Discomunication

I'll always feel like I did something wrong, like I did something to deserve this.

And no matter where I go, whatever I may achieve, it will never be good enough to set all the wrongs to right.

This is the end for me and livejournal. It's been good - real good.

wholly shit I'm an editor next year.

I work at a nursing home I love to be at.

I still won't have money for a couple of months.

I got no girlfriend.

And I miss all my friends and family.

But life's pretty damn good.

Fuck stupid drunk hoes in my apartment not letting me sleep when I have to work 14 god damn hours the next day.

I'm moving in to my own place next year, fuck roommates.

Current Mood: pissed off

what the fuck am i doing with my life?

i need to write more...

im so fucking lonely that i dont know what to do with myself anymore

Possessing the office for less than two months, President Obama has already 
moved swiftly to undo many of Bush’s policies. The closing of Guantanamo Bay
 was the first flex of his executive muscle, signaling to the rest of the 
world that America will not stand for torture. He’s hard at work reversing
 other policies revenue for alternative fuel sources and stem cell research.

I was shocked however to learn that President Obama has lifted the 
restrictions on federal funding for the United Nations Population Fund,
 an organization that supports global abortion. Prior to the alleviation of 
the restrictions, federal funding was still going to the program in areas 
that supported abortion in special cases - rape, incest or danger to the 
woman’s life. President Obama has open the reigns for women all over the 
world to have a choice regardless of circumstances.

I can see the appeal of his decision. Helping out third world countries 
through an organization that promotes an end to poverty and AIDS is noble 
to say the least but how should Americans feel about it? Your tax money is 
potentially going overseas to pay for an abortion. As a nation that 
struggles with producing its own view on abortion, I find it irresponsible 
for America to fund such a program.

Let’s put aside the arguments for having abortions for a moment and take a 
look around our current financial situation. Billions upon billions of 
dollars are being dolled out to banks and financial companies whom seem to
 be doing nothing but escaping onto lavish retreats and paying out gigantic 
bonuses to CEOs. The Big Three are on the verge of extinction threatening 
to take millions of jobs with them. What money do we have to give out to 
third world countries when we’re on the decline ourselves?

The issue does not really come down to abortions necessarily but more 
towards ideology. Abortions have been around long before governments 
decided to play a role and will be around long after governments crumble.
 Instead of simply supporting abortions outright, we as a leading nation 
should be promoting abstinence in countries that can’t support booming 
populations. It comes down to the old parable of teaching men how to fish 
for themselves instead of doing the fishing for them. Educating is the first
 step to relieving third world countries from poverty. Funding abortions is 
simply a quick fix in places where the consequences of such actions are not 
fully realized.

I sympathize with the idea of choice. The right to chose gives women 
liberation over their own bodies, especially in parts of the world where 
they have little or no rights. But abortions in such places are nothing 
more than a veil of false hope as there are deeper problems for women who 
have to make such a drastic choice. Women should not have to give pregnancy
 under the influence of fear but rather out of high hopes in the best 
situations possible.

I doubt there’d few Americans who would oppose their tax money funding a 
program that truly liberates women rather than one does away with future 
generations.

blargle fargle

I'm addicted to booze, cigarettes, good people, good times,... and Wall E.

I've only seen it once but I'm pretty sure I'm going to make it my life mission to watcfh it as much as humanly possible.

I'm only being honest. 

Current Mood: happy

So my summer has officially started. 
No Icky Intermediate Algebra until July.
Working six days a week at the Holly Foods as a chasier (come visit).

Hanging out with friends is fun (Couser, Jake, Allyssa, Phil, Jesse, Amanda and Ryan). 

Pretty much, life is good. (minus cold weather and not writing for a long time).  

Current Mood: content

 I'm suprisingly sad.

It's the last week of me and Phil living together.

I'm taking a trip to Oklahoma to see Aunt Gina and her daughter graduate from highschool (my cousin). 

Gahgah whiskey in the jar o.

I don't miss Holly as much as I imagine myself to  but I miss all my friends. Going to coffee with Couser. Getting high with Jesse. Listening to Andy be, well Andy. 

Two weeks. Back home. Holly Foods. Summer time.

=]

Current Mood: drunk

I love Regina Spektor

I'm still sick - I think it's the flu. ick. I slept all day and have like 8 billion papers due. Gah.

Bang bus is damn funny. Too funny. Helps to pass the time.

I'm super worried about everything but I have no idea why. 

And I still haven't finished my fucking stories. I need a set of balls for real.

Current Mood: sick

So I bought Ulysses and got about ten pages into before I realized James Joyce uses no grammatical rules or plot. He cross references ridiculous and obscure things that require a lot of foreknowledge or research. He is supposed to be one of the greatest writers ever which I'm sure he was - for ten minutes in thirties. Never the less,  I will read it and interpret it so I can sufficiently say I'm a better writer.

speaking of which...

I have a new short story I'll post soon called "mother's day breakfast". Basically it's about me getting drunk before mother's day and then going to breakfast at the holly hotel with my family the next day. I have a panic attack at the end and go to work. my writing style is becoming (more) awful but whateva.

In another month I'll be living in Holly again. Hopefully the weather will be warm and there'll be bonfires/drinking binges/swimming/cook outs/road trips/good summer memories? Hopefully.

Current Mood: i got the flu fool

"SO today, your mom was like, do me in the butt."

And I said no.

So anyway, spring break rules. Gogol Bordello is amazing live. Alcohol + Weed is me friend. So is Jesse. So is Couser. Gah gah gah I wanna finish my zombie novella and keep playing video games.

What the fuck? What is the point of this? Is this just a reflection of my stupid drunken stupor? Is there no end to this maddness? ... there there all will be well. 2+2 =5. He who controls the future, controls the past. KArma Police, arrest this man...

I keep getting lost in a forest of FAKE PLASTIC TREES. Sing thsi song ten times fast - are you ready? "OH tiddings of fungus and slime, fungus and slime, oh tiddings of fungus and slime"

Scuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum BAG!!

Current Location: ROAR i'm attempting to eat you
Current Mood: predatory

I hate my job even though it's the easiest one I will ever have. Last night I watched pulp fiction all night.
9:30 to 9:00 am!! WTF!

Oh well. Spring Break next week and no work. Gorgo on Monday with Jesse. Yess...

I started writing again but I still feel like I suck ass. I'm determind though to finish my Zombie novella - kids doing drugs and eating human flesh, how can I fuck that up?

I want... to hang out with friends? Going to college blows I need summer bad....

blah. 

My father called me today and told me that my great grandfather died this morning. He was 99 years old. 

He lived in Boston and I've only seen him person a handful of times. But from the little bit that I do know of him, he lived an extrodinary life. He built and flew his own bi planes before there were airports. He worked as an engineer and helped built parts for one of the atomic bombs that dropped in Japan during WWII. Basicly, he was a bad ass who lived a life I envy.

I hope that I get to live to be 99 and do have the things he did. I guess I wouldn't be so afraid to die if I knew I did something worthwhile with the little bit of time I'm granted on earth.

Rest in peace Great Grampy.  

Yeah I said it, so what? She hates anyone who isn't black. Seriously. She just brainwashed innocent college students telling them "We should legalize every illegal immigrant." Yeah, fuck the constitution and the other immigrants that actually went through naturalization, right? Then she said we should all learn to speak Spanish. Tell me bitch, do you speak Spanish? She's for global money. Yeah that's just what we need - the entire world to accumulate a debt and allow people to be easily manipulated. Sure, lets throw away our culture and live in a lie that you think's peace.

Her poetry is terrible - sweet to rip off Mia Angelo and call yourself creative you stupid cunt. She told a bunch of high school students in the crowd - "Now your non black classmates are going to ask stupid questions like 'is it Tuesday?' And yes, you'll have to come up with stupid questions to ask so you fit in."

Are you fucking serious? I go to a college that condones people like this? Why do we have the NAACP? Why do we have historically black colleges? What the fuck is a historically black college? A black history month? how many fucking years can you bitch about the same thing?

I'm all for history and learning and being diverse. But I am not for people expecting sympathy from me, bitching at me for something I didn't do and walking around like something terrible personally happened to them when they live in modern times. You don't hear Asian people bitching about racism or the Indians about having their land stolen away. How do you overcome prejudice if you keep dwelling on the past?

Learn some humility bitch. I am no longer listening to anyone complaining about the civil rights movement. Your dumb move on.

This woman has a P.h.D? WTF did they just hand them out in her day or what?

Current Mood: pissed off

I hope I get the internship from the Flint Journal this summer. That means I can actually move out in May and work for a real newspaper.
I hate my job and all the three toothed hicks I work with. 
I hate not being around my friends ever.

I hate growing up.

Either way though, I only have about three more months before I can move back home. The weather will be warmer and I'm 21. This summer is going to be the best one of my life, I can already feel it. 

 I have become so bored with life that I'm volunteering my time to do school activities, without pay. WTF. 

I haven't smoked for two days. I've been running every other day. Buddhism is really interesting. I may have to adopt it into my life.

Things are getting better. I should quit drinking so much and be more scholarly or something. 

For now, life is good and I'm not so worried about nothing (That's not an improper use of grammer - i worry about litterally nothing).. Oh, I dropped Logic today because the class is more about symbolism than arguments. It's not like talking calculus only without the numbers. Pft. homy don't play. 

My other classes are sweet though. The job still sucks but ehh. I'm starting to realize that life is more about your frame of mind. Perception is everything and life will always be shitty if you say it is. I'm going to change my perception, I think.

Current Mood: content

Discard that last entry. I'm going to get me some prozac and just forget about the whole mess. And by prozac I mean dope and a whole shit ton of it.